I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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