So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize