what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
