The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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