"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
