And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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