if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
