Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
PANTIES FOUND
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
