Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
