I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
