I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
honey bunches of taint.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had sex on a dog bed..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
