Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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