All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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