I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
