She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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