Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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