I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
