I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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