I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
