I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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