I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
