no, he came in my armpit
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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