Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
