we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
