on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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