I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
