Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
