I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
