got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
