that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
