So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
