you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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