Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
