Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
