...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
