I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
