DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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