there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
