His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Soap is not a condiment
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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