i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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