did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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