If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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