i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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