I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
