Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
