i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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