I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
