he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
