Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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