i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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