The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
