well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
