Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
