just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
