Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I only lived at night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
