She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
