Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
