He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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