A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
