I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
