Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
