Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive