i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode