so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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