you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life