____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.