it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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