I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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