That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
