Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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