Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
