my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
