dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
