No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
