apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize